Nicaragua Mission Trip

I'm writing this because I need to get some of these thoughts out of my head. Hopefully they will make more sense to me when I put them into words.

I don't know what God wants me to do.

I've been to Nicaragua three different times over the last few years-- why am I questioning if it's God's will that I go back this year.

I feel like I am taking advantage of the resources God has given me. Do I have the money to cover the trip? Yes, but it will completely drain my "emergency" account and I feel like this is the time that I should be saving everything.

I know that God has plans for me to work internationally for His kingdom. I feel God leading me to apply for the Journeyman Program in a few months. I knew that God was directing me to go to Nicaragua over the last few years, but this year is different...

Why is it different?

Am I trying to control something that I have no business controlling? Am I struggling to trust in God wholly to provide for me? Or is it that God has something else in store for me this summer?

Do I wait for confirmation to go or do I push ahead and trust in God to close the door for me if it is not in His will?

I'm going to ask you to spend a few moments in prayer on my behalf. I believe in the power of prayer. Pray that I am given a peace about this trip. There is a $300 deposit due ASAP that I have not paid. If I am given a peace, I won't pay the deposit and I will begin to seek out what God has planned for me this summer. If this trip continues to stir in my mind and I don't have a peace about staying home, I will pay the deposit and push forward in preparation for the trip.

God, I ask that you give me a peace if this is not what you desire for me. I pray that I have the strength to lay everything at your feet and follow you in any direction you lead. You are holy and I desire to seek you in every moment. I pray that you give me understanding. I love you God and I thank you for the opportunity to be an ambassador of Christ to so many people who have never had the opportunity to place their trust in you.

Focus '09

All good things must come to an end... I have class tomorrow. : (

BUT, I have Focus Weekend to look forward to in a few days. I am excited to see how God is going to use this weekend to change the hearts of everyone involved.

I'm thankful for the parents and volunteers that freely give up their weekend and invite kids into their houses. I'm thankful for the leaders that come from all over to minister to our students. I'm thankful for a church staff that supports our ministry with prayer. I'm thankful for a church body that provides the financial means to carry out an event of this magnitude. I'm thankful for students that are involved and eagerly anticipating a weekend of worship and study with God. I'm thankful for Brandon, Rick, Amy, and Shanna for all of the time and energy that they have put into making this weekend wonderful. Most importantly, I'm thankful for a God that allows us to worship Him and eagerly anticipates spending time with each of us.

This weekend is going to heavily emphasize evangelizing the lost. This is so important today. This is something that I struggle with and I am excited to be challenged with this weekend. As sad as it is, sometimes I have to remind myself that Hell is a very real place and that the consequence of not sharing Christ is Hell for so many people that I come in contact with. I shouldn't say I care for someone, or even that we are friends, if I don't know where they are going to spend their eternity.

Being a Christian involves so much more than living a "good" life-- it requires sharing what you have inside with a lost world around you.

Love God. Love People.

Okay, I've got to post some more thoughts on an excerpt from "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

If I haven't mentioned it before, this is a must read book.

"Is loving God-- and, by extension, loving people-- what you are all about? Is it what being a Christian means to you? Do you live as though faith, demonstrated through love, really is the only thing that counts?

There is often a great disparity between how we feel about faith and how we are meant to feel. Why do so few people genuinely find joy and pleasure in their relationship with God? Why do most people feel they have to either pay God back for all He's done (buy His love) or somehow keep making up for all their inadequacies and failures (prove their love)? Why are the words of Psalms 63:1-5 not an honest reflection of our lives on most days?"

Go get your bible. Open it up to Psalms 63:1-5 and read it.

That passage was the deepest desire of David's heart displayed in words. He was in the wilderness of Judah, separated from the sanctuary in Jerusalem, worshipping and crying out to God. David had experienced a taste of God's love and desperately sought more.

I want my heart to always seek God's love with that passion.

I struggle with the concept of love. Love has so many definitions and meanings-- not one truly describes the love that God has for us. His love is impossible to fathom in the human mind. Sometimes I think that is how God intended it to be. If we could truly understand it, then we could analyze it and place conditions on it.

We try to apply the same criteria of our love for others to our love for God. In the world we live in today, our love for others is very conditional, even in the realm of marriage and family. Divorce is everywhere-- do you not think those people loved each other at one time?

I think this failure of love in our culture is leading to a misunderstanding of God's love. We place conditions on His love for us. We hear things like, "I've made to many mistakes for God to ever love me" or we put our energy into useless tasks in order to earn God's love.

Francis goes on to say, "...the solution isn't to try harder, fail, and then make bigger promises, only to fail again. It does no good to muster up more love for God, to will yourself to love Him more. When loving Him becomes obligation, just one of the many things we have to do, we end up focusing even more on ourselves. No wonder so few people want to hear from us about what we ourselves feel is a boring, guilt ridden-chore!"

One of the best parts about God's love (and most misunderstood) is that God doesn't expect us to have it all together. He wants us, as messed up and dirty as we are.

"He wants to change us; He died so that we could change. The answer lies in letting Him change you. Remember His counsel to the lukewarm church in Laodicea? "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" (Rev. 3:20) His counsel wasn't to 'try harder' but rather to let Him in."

It's funny, I just spent 45 minutes thinking through this and writing it out when the answer is to simply "let Him in." That's how God works, that's an example of His love. He doesn't care that we don't understand everything.

He only asks that we make ourselves available to Him so that He can do the work needed in our hearts to grow our love for Him.

I'll close with this last section from the book, "The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans. Something mysterious, even supernatural must happen in order for genuine love for God to grow in our hearts. The Holy Spirit has to move in our lives."

I hope this post makes sense. It's getting kinda late and there are a lot of things going through my mind. Darn it, now I'm not going to be able to go to sleep anytime soon. No more posts after 9:00. : )

Ice Storm '09: Good or Bad?

I'm having a hard time making up my mind. Is this ice storm more good than it is bad, or more bad than it is good?

Positives:
Classes were canceled starting at 1:30 today and no class tomorrow, which means I get to sleep in! I got to catch up on my "Friday Night Lights" episodes I've missed over the last few weeks. I don't have to give a tour tomorrow morning in the cold!

Not So Positives:
"Reconciled" Oklahoma State Evangelism Conference is cancelled and I don't get to hear Afshin Ziafat or David Platt speak. I also think I'm going to be bored tomorrow, not being able to get out of the house.

Choctaw

I love Sundays.

I love going back to Choctaw and spending time with my family; also getting to worship and fellowship with people that I look to for spiritual guidance. Many of these people are the same people that I have gotten to experience God with for so many years.

I know their strengths and weaknesses-- they know mine.
I know their spiritual gifts and get to witness them used-- they know mine.
I know their heart and what causes it to break-- they know mine.

Lord, I thank you for a church family that holds me accountable to your standards. I pray that you continue to bless FBC Choctaw. I pray that our church is consumed with the community surrounding us-- that our hearts break for the salvation of others. I pray that we seek your will in any decision. I pray that we become your hands and feet, that we remain your church in our places of work, on our school campuses, and in our homes. I pray for revival in Choctaw. I pray that we are prepared for a movement that is only possible through your power. I pray that we are able to be a part of it.

Amen.

In Christ Alone

This song conveys what it's all about.

In Christ alone I find my strength. In Christ alone I learn to love. In Christ alone I am given comfort. In Christ alone I am given grace. In Christ alone I can overcome sin. In Christ alone I am promised eternal life. In Christ alone I can have hope. In Christ alone I discover a best friend. In Christ alone I worship God. In Christ alone I am given breath. In Christ alone I am challenged to be a better person. In Christ alone I place my present and future. In Christ alone I find freedom from temptation. In Christ alone I am given a heart for missions. In Christ alone I place my trust. In Christ alone I find rest. In Christ alone I overcome fears. In Christ alone I anticipate tomorrow. In Christ alone I am given a reason to speak. In Christ alone I see others burdens. In Christ alone I am able to serve. In Christ alone I am given the ability to walk. In Christ alone I discover my true gifts. In Christ alone I find love. In Christ alone...

I am nothing without Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me; from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Baptist Collegiate Ministry

So-- I've decided that since I am now a junior it's time to begin branching out and getting involved in organizations on campus. I'm a little slow...

More importantly, I am seeking a Christian group that I can get involved in (without getting to involved because that would only to make my original intentions of joining the group pointless) and I can worship God among my peers-- the same people that I spend the majority of my week with.

I love serving at FBC and I know that is where God wants me and is using me, but it's hard at times to truly worship when you are doing so many things: running around getting things setup, making sure the lights are working, putting the songs into MediaShout, encouraging the kids, taking money, or even straightening chairs. I believe that all of those things are vital to the ministry and I enjoy doing them, but it is a constant struggle to effectively transition from those tasks to the more important task of worshiping and learning from my Lord and Savior.

With all of that said, I need to find something, in addition to Wednesdays and Sundays, that will "feed" me spiritually. A place where I can place all of my focus and energy on my Lord and Savior, without having to think or worry about the business side.

This week I visited CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) and Paradigm (a ministry of the BSU) to see how God was using these ministries. While they are both active, thriving ministries reaching different segments on our campus, I feel God drawing me to Paradigm.

You know it's God and His perfect will when everything just feels right. Jessica and I, not knowing anyone, were hesitant at first; but the hesitancy was replaced with assurance and familiarity when we were greeted by a former classmate in our freshman English class. Vanessa went out of her way to make us feel comfortable.

Sitting through one service, I could see how God was using this ministry to lead and direct the lives of Christians on our campus while also reaching out to those who are in need of a Savior.

I thank God for His loving protection over me. I pray that He continues to reveal Himself to me in new ways daily as I seek His heart in worship and study.

Faith Requires Action

This morning I spent part of my quiet time reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. If you haven't read it yet-- get it and read it.

A few sentences spoke directly to me and challenged my faith:

"If life is a river, then pursuing Christ requires swimming upstream. When we stop swimming, or actively following Him, we automatically begin to be swept downstream. Or, to use a metaphor more familiar to city people, we are on a never-ending downward escalator. In order to grow, we have to turn around and sprint up the escalator, putting up with the perturbed looks from everyone else who is gradually moving downward. I believe that much of the American churchgoing population, while not specifically swimming downstream, is slowly floating away from Christ. It isn't a conscious choice, but it is nonetheless happening because little in their lives propels them toward Christ."

After reading that, I began questioning what propels me toward Christ. My faith in Him alone is not adequate by itself, it requires action.

James 2:17 says, "Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

My prayer is that I never have a dead faith; that I am continually propelled toward Christ through a manifestation of a real and active faith.

My prayer is that, because of my faith in action, people look at me with "perturbed" glances just as they would a man sprinting up an escalator.

My prayer is that people are challenged by my love for Christ, displayed through action, and are motivated to turn and run up the escalator alongside me in pursuit of that same love.

God deserves nothing less.

The Details

God is Good.

Sometimes that is harder for me to say than at other times.

God is Good. God is Good.

It's not that I don't believe that He always has my best interests in mind-- that He has a perfect will for my life. It's more about the fact that I don't always know what that will is, when I want to know it.

God is a God of details. He chooses to slowly reveal the direction He has planned for our lives. He works more like a GPS then a road map. Maps reveal the big picture, while the GPS gives us turn-by-turn directions when we are in need of direction.

I want to know the big picture. At least I think I want to know the big picture. I trust that God doesn't reveal the big picture because it would be incomprehensible to me as of where I am now. He has the big picture in mind, when He directs my every turn.

So... where does that leave me? Right where He wants me to be-- living a life dependant on Him.

God is Good... All the Time. All the Time... God is Good.

I'll continue seeking Him in the details, trusting that He directs my every move.

Yearn

Don't you love it when the song that you are needing to hear comes on the radio at just the right time. God is Good.

This Sunday Bro Ray's sermon was entitled "Today's the Day." He covered two basic choices that every Christian is faced with: Choose to hear God speak or refuse to hear.

Simple as that. Right?

God chose to use something that seemed so simple to wake me up inside. There are sins in my life, big and small, that I have chosen to keep inside. No one knows so whats the big deal? It doesn't change the way that I live. Right?

Wrong again.

God has shown me these last few days, partly because I have chosen to hear, that I stopped growing in my faith long ago. I've been desperately struggling to hold on when His hand has been stretched out the whole time-- easily within in reach.

I want to yearn for God again.

I know it won't be easy. I don't want it to be easy. I want to fight for my faith again. I want to overcome this sin that has had it's claws in my back for so long. And the best part-- God is right beside me.

I've started out simple, trying to stay in constant discussion with God. It's amazing what a simple prayer such as "God, I pray for your strength to overcome the temptations of this world and Satan," can do for my soul. I feel Him beside me and he is glad to be there. Isn't that good to know.

Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion.