Nicaragua Mission Trip

I'm writing this because I need to get some of these thoughts out of my head. Hopefully they will make more sense to me when I put them into words.

I don't know what God wants me to do.

I've been to Nicaragua three different times over the last few years-- why am I questioning if it's God's will that I go back this year.

I feel like I am taking advantage of the resources God has given me. Do I have the money to cover the trip? Yes, but it will completely drain my "emergency" account and I feel like this is the time that I should be saving everything.

I know that God has plans for me to work internationally for His kingdom. I feel God leading me to apply for the Journeyman Program in a few months. I knew that God was directing me to go to Nicaragua over the last few years, but this year is different...

Why is it different?

Am I trying to control something that I have no business controlling? Am I struggling to trust in God wholly to provide for me? Or is it that God has something else in store for me this summer?

Do I wait for confirmation to go or do I push ahead and trust in God to close the door for me if it is not in His will?

I'm going to ask you to spend a few moments in prayer on my behalf. I believe in the power of prayer. Pray that I am given a peace about this trip. There is a $300 deposit due ASAP that I have not paid. If I am given a peace, I won't pay the deposit and I will begin to seek out what God has planned for me this summer. If this trip continues to stir in my mind and I don't have a peace about staying home, I will pay the deposit and push forward in preparation for the trip.

God, I ask that you give me a peace if this is not what you desire for me. I pray that I have the strength to lay everything at your feet and follow you in any direction you lead. You are holy and I desire to seek you in every moment. I pray that you give me understanding. I love you God and I thank you for the opportunity to be an ambassador of Christ to so many people who have never had the opportunity to place their trust in you.